When I saw my body worker last week, he told me that I needed to eat less protein. I was puzzled at first, because I really have not been eating a whole lot of anything lately, but specifically in the protein family. As I was pondering what in my diet might be the culprit, he asked about dairy, and the first thing that came to mind was cheese. Which I absolutely love – all kinds of cheeses. And as my body worker was going on and on about how the vegan cheeses are so fabulous these days, he also threw in a plug for the delicious vegan ice creams as well.
And, as I was walking away from his office, mentally
calculating the very tiny amount of cheese I have actually had over the past,
say, month since I saw him last, I thought about my ice cream consumption, and the
teensy Ben and Jerry’s habit I have developed over the past, say, lifetime, which
has gotten super bad over the last couple of months. At least every other day, which means
sometimes I can do a seven day run before realizing I need to pump the
brakes.
And when I relayed this story to a friend, she commented
that “It’s also a shit-ton of sugar.” So before any of you get the idea to go
lecturing me on the shit-ton of sugar I am ingesting, know this: I am
completely aware of my sugar habit (awareness is the first step), and trust me
when I tell you that I have chosen my current addictions very carefully, and
sugar is well aware that she needs a bitch slap.
But sugar is gonna have to take a back seat to dairy, because I really need to try and eliminate it. I love it so much, but it really is quite nasty stuff when you think about it….let’s just not.
So on this week’s trip to the grocery store, instead of
purchasing Ben N Jerry’s Ice cream, it took me only 10 minutes of staring woefully at the -epressingly named and limited number of dairy-free options, before
selecting the cheapest and yummiest-sounding option, Ben
N Jerry’s Chocolate Brownie Non-Dairy Ice Cream. And right next to it was a tub of “Suzanne's Ricemallow Creme,
so I threw that in the cart as well.
Because I needed more sugary vegan stuff.
I mean, what was I expecting, really?!? Vegan marshmallow cream doesn’t even sound
right, and I should have taken a hint from the 1950’s- era packaging on the yogurt-shaped
container. I peel off the plastic lid, and - the
presentation is not promising: there is a *surface* on the thing, if you know
what I mean. Semi-put off now, but not
deterred, I scrape the surface off into the sink, and am confused and slightly frightened by
the texture. Slightly deterred now, I dip
my spoon in and come out with the smallest bit of goop. I touch the spoon to my tongue.
Ewwwwwwwwww. So. disgusting. It should be illegal to sell this caustic
crap.
So currently, I 'm nursing my bowl of Ben n Jerry’s Vegan Ice
Cream , and as my mind started to turn to thoughts of how disgusting dairy
really is, I look down at my bowl of ice
cream…and realize, no need to gross out…I’m eating vegan!
Which even Tommi the cat has just sniffed, sampled and
rejected.
This is really gonna suck.
