GIT IN MAH BELLY!

OK, listen.  I know what i said several months ago about making progress around my life-long body struggles and how I would never, ever again allow a number on a scale keep me from popping that delicious morsel of goodness in my mouth, and blah, blah, blah.  but whatever, things have gotten serious and I need to make some changes. 

And it wasn't a number on a scale.  It was this: yesterday morning, after a sauna and whilst on my way to yoga, I was walking and I literally felt my belly "jiggle." This is new for me.  And it feels uncomfortable.

So i said to myself, "Self, perhaps its time to really take a good look at this whole eating your feelings thing and whether it's still working for you." Now mind you, I have very few vices at this point in my life. So my sugar addiction is sort of my last hurrah. Well, that and coffee, but the coffee is not going anywhere, and I also have my trashy t.v. habit, but I would reeeeaaallyyyy like to fit into last year's swim suit, and also other pieces of clothing i have "out-grown" and, and, and....

And, for reasons unbeknowst to me (ahem) I just happen to have a selfie from 2008 of my belly - you know, that odd, embarrassing, strangely vain, selfie...ok maybe you don't - but AAAANYWAY....


Here is me before:

And this is me after (this morning):

I mean, really, even my four lovely runners are saying "Scccrrrrr, pump the brakes, love, lets slow down a bit, shall we?!"

And just so you know, i am not going posting "after-after" photos of my "progress."  The point of this exercise is to acknowledge that, regardless of what i preach, practice looks dramatically different when one is still caught up in the beauty myth.  And I am (caught up), far less than say 10 years ago, but I still am.  And I am working on this, at the same time I am starting to struggle with what it means to age gracefully, when the aging process decides to make its home in my belly. 

And don't get all preachy on me.  I get the shallowness of this particular issue and I am OK with that.  At the end of the day, its all about "feeling good." And i don't. Feel good. About this. 

So please don't preach.  Judge if you must, but I can't take preachy.  Carry on...