Conversation with My I.C. (Inner Critic) - 092214

(it's 10:30 on a Monday morning after returning from a weekend of R & R at the Russian River Music Festival)

I.C.: Not go into the office today?  NOT GO INTO THE OFFICE TODAY??? WTF ARE YOU SAYING?!?

me: well, its just that i….

I.C.:  I!   I!?!?  Why is it always about I? I? I?  What about Me?

me: (long sigh…)

I.C. Well then?  What do You have to say for Yourself?  You took the ENTIRE weekend off and now You say You need a vacay from your vacay?  You’ve got WORK to do and e-mails to answer, and, and, many many more IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO. 

me:  right.  well, here is the thing:  if you possibly just stop YELLING at me and BERATING me, it just feels awful and usually results in further procrastination.  which is not the result you want. 

I.C.: OIC, You think You can sink lower than sitting in the middle of your living room with a cup of coffee at 10:35 in the a.m., your favorite music and a craft project taunting you over to your left? 

Me: yes.  yes i could.

I.C. Listen, sister, I don’t know if You have thought about this lately, but it's NOT LIKE YOU HAVE A STEADY JOB. And if You don’t work, You don’t make money and if You don’t make money, You don’t pay rent, and just like that, YOU'RE A BAG LADY IN CENTRAL PARK!  IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY?  WELL IS IT????

me: ok, no. that is not what I want. but what proof do you have that if I don’t go into the office today that I will be a bag lady in central park?

I.C.: . 

me: I mean, let's face it:  here I sit at 46 years old, having managed to support myself and my family for like, a long time.  I  have not yet failed to do this. plus i am doing this wearing hot pink yoga pants. WERK!

I.C. right, well…

me: right.  I am thinking I have a pretty good track record here.  So let’s make a deal. You give me A F*CKING BREAK-

I.C. Look here missy - Don’t you use your foul language with me!

me: and  plus, there is the whole “festival food” thing, which is keeping me on the toilet today, and you could have a little compassion for me..

I.C. tmi.

me: sorry.

I.C.  HOLD UP. Are you saying that I am not compassionate?

me: well, I would have to say…

I.C. Well, that is what you’re saying, isn’t it?!?  What in the HELL is more compassionate that keeping your triflin' a$$ on the ball for 46 goddamn years!

me: what i mean to say is, as much as I truly appreciate your balls-to-the-wall-take-no-prisoners-relentless-taskmaster-type style…

I.C.  Well Just Look at what you’ve MADE of Yourself!  What do you think was the driving force behind all of THAT?

me: I –

I.C. And you want to talk about compassion! How about we show some of that GRATITUDE I always hear you preaching about!

me: wow.  I really don’t even know what to say right now.

I.C. how about thank you.

me: thank you

I.C. You're welcome. Now git to work!

me: tomorrow.  today i flow like a river.

I.C. jeebus christ almighty. 

me: I love you too.