Ritz Kracka

Ritz Kracka

Saturday, March 28, 2015

“Spring Cleaning 2015” - A candid conversation with My Inner Critic (I.C.)

I.C. WTF are you doing?

me: spring cleaning.

I.C. No you’re not.          
 
me: what do you mean I’m not?

I.C. You’re cleaning baseboards.

me: well, people clean baseboards during a spring cleaning. 

I.C. Since when have YOU cleaned baseboards? In the 10, going on 11 years you have resided here?

me: OK mom’s coming to visit next week.

I.C. Hmph.  It's gonna take a lot more than clean baseboards to convince your mom you're not living in filth, darlin'.

Me: lol. :o(

I.C. Anyway, you know your mother tells you, time and time again, she does not give any fucks about how filthy you live. 

Me: I know, I know she SAYS that, but you should see HER house!  I mean, my GOD, the pressure!  THE  PRESSURE!!!  it would crack even the heartiest of eggshells!!!

I.C. OK, OK calm down now, jeezus, no need getting your grannies up in a bunch. You tend to be a gripper, you know. 

Me: yeah, well, sometimes you just lay it on so goddamn THICK!  I mean, anybody would crack under the pressure!!!

I.C. no. just you. 

Me: I’m just asking you, please, just ease up teensy-weensy bit, willya?!?

I.C. le sigh….

Me: I mean you can be soooooo goddamn dramatic!  

I.C. You’re doing a good job, by the way.  You’re momma’s gonna be proud of you.  

Me: awwwwww!  thank you!  who needs a hug?

I.C. don't go there. 

Monday, March 9, 2015

"RAGE"

I call Tre at his dad's today to see how he is feeling after being sick for the last couple of weeks.  He says that he feels fine, but I sense something else in his voice.  So I ask:

“What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? C’mon, I hear something else, what is it?”

After a bit of back of forth in which he assures me that he does not want to talk about it because he “doesn’t want to” he finally lands on “rage.”

“Rage?” I repeat. 

“Minecraft.” He says. 

“Oh, you’re gaming. “ I say. 

“Mhmm.” He says. 

“And you're raging.”

“Mhhm”

“At your friends.”

“Mhhm.”

“And what are they doing? How are they responding back?” I query.

“Well, they’re just defending themselves.”

“Oh, well, right,” I say to him, in complete understanding.  “I mean, anyone would, right?”

“Mhhm” says Tre.

“I feel you.” I say.

And then I remember my own recent incidents of expressed rage directed AT the child and I say “and you’ve seen me rage, haven’t you?”

HALLOWEEN - 2010 - I can be pretty scary....



Mhhm” says Tre.

“Yep” I offer, “I feel you.”

And I did.  And I do.

Check please.  

Thursday, March 5, 2015

"The Facade" - 030515


I developed this persona.  This sharp-as-a-tack “I can do anything BETTER than YOU!”
and I had the grades and credentials to prove it.

Then, as the façade began to crumble and the cracks began to let the insides do their show, the persona I had so meticulously developed worked overtime to protect itself.  To no avail.  The cracks continued to open up at just the mere pressure of it!

“I'M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE! The pressure shouts as it mounts.

What does surrender look like? I don’t know. 

What does surrender feel like? I don’t know.

But I suppose if this thing is gonna blow anyway (it was designed to give birth) there are some tools in my tool box that I could remember to use, now and again.  For example, to name a few:

  •  Relax into it, i.e. just try and keep breathing!
  •  Get your team ready. Nobody lives in a vacuum.  People need people.  Duh. 
  •  Know that there is something soooooo beautiful at the end of it! 
  •  And so on and so forth. 
  •  And remember: it’s YOUR dream.  Nobody else’s - they have their own, thank you very much.  And if they don’t have one, they need to get one.