“Spring Cleaning 2015” - A candid conversation with My Inner Critic (I.C.)

I.C. WTF are you doing?

me: spring cleaning.

I.C. No you’re not.          

 

me: what do you mean I’m not?

I.C. You’re cleaning baseboards.

me: well, people clean baseboards during a spring cleaning. 

I.C. Since when have YOU cleaned baseboards? In the 10, going on 11 years you have resided here?

me: OK mom’s coming to visit next week.

I.C. Hmph.  It's gonna take a lot more than clean baseboards to convince your mom you're not living in filth, darlin'.

Me: lol. :o(

I.C. Anyway, you know your mother tells you, time and time again, she does not give any fucks about how filthy you live. 

Me: I know, I know she SAYS that, but you should see HER house!  I mean, my GOD, the pressure!  THE  PRESSURE!!!  it would crack even the heartiest of eggshells!!!

I.C. OK, OK calm down now, jeezus, no need getting your grannies up in a bunch. You tend to be a gripper, you know. 

Me: yeah, well, sometimes you just lay it on so goddamn THICK!  I mean, anybody would crack under the pressure!!!

I.C. no. just you. 

Me: I’m just asking you, please, just ease up teensy-weensy bit, willya?!?

I.C. le sigh….

Me: I mean you can be soooooo goddamn dramatic!  

I.C. You’re doing a good job, by the way.  You’re momma’s gonna be proud of you.  

Me: awwwwww!  thank you!  who needs a hug?

I.C. don't go there.