“Ode to a Paint Edger” – 01/06/16

To my dearest Paint Edger:

Wow.  Well.  If that wasn’t THE best $5.47 I have EVER spent!  And I know, I know, I lingered just a little too long in front of you and that $5.47 price tag, wondering if you would provide my labor with just enough extra *edge* to make that price tag worth it, I know I did.  And I regret that.  How could I have even thought, for one moment, the pleasure you provide, paint job after paint job, doesn't far outweigh your meager price tag?  But what can I say?  I am a woman who has a difficult time making meaningless decisions.  I’m so sorry. 

In my defense, I had never MEANT to purchase a paint edger on this particular trip to the hardware store, which was made in order to buy another shade of white, to cover the Simply White I purchased and put up on my walls yesterday.  It turns out that Simply White, is, simply way too white, and the finished effect makes me feel like there is some sort of emergency, somewhere close by, and that my daybed looks like a very functional hospital bed. 

So this time, I went with Cottage White, which was my first choice the first go-around on this project, before I talked myself out of that selection, thinking it looked too dingy.  Cottage White was competing with Atlantis Pearl White, which, according to the 12-year old Sun was a stupid name for a color, because “Atlantis didn’t have pearls, Mom,” finishing this declaration off with a look of utterly disgust, as if my being so stupid as not to know this factiod was far too painful for him to stomach with a straight face.  When I tried to reason with him by explaining that Atlantis was supposed to have been ”… a city surrounded by the ocean, so why wouldn’t it have had pearls?” his response was “Mom – Atlantis didn’t have pearls OK?!?”

So I went with the Cottage White and while I was waiting for the paint to be ready, I browsed the store, hoping that perhaps I would run into some clever type of lighting device (lighting is EVERTYHING) to supplement this most recent home improvement binge I was on.  

And then I saw you.  And I fondly recalled having a paint edger just like you many years ago, and then I wondered where the hell did that paint edger go?  OR - do I still have that edger and I can’t locate it?  In which case, since I’ve already purchased one just like you and couldn’t even keep track of that one, what makes me think I can keep track of YOU?!?  Or perhaps it's just the opposite of that, and because i have found and lost and now found again, I can truly value you for what you are!

But let's face it, Paint Edger, times are tough right now, what with decreasing income, and increasing expenses.  That $5.47, added to the additional $13 I am now having to spend because I chose the wrong fucking shade of white (of which there are hundreds, I might add), could be used in a more responsible way, couldn’t it? 

But then I fondly recall...how smooth the glide was, how straight the lines, how tight the corners, and – impulsively I thought at first, but no, this was well thought out – I grabbed you, never looking back.

 

Oh Paint Edger, I can’t even begin to tell you how much the precision by which you allow me to paint my lines upon these walls fills my heart with pure joy!  And though I can never touch your heart, because you don't have one, only by the touch of my hand upon your soft, supple, rubber handle, can you know the way you make me feel!  Your handle, with a grip so fine, so fine, as to allow my aging, shaky hands to produce such straight OCD edges!

uneven line

Paint Edger, do you remember the moment at which you bristles gave way underneath the angriness of the bumpy wall, producing an uneven line (see photo), and I hesitated for a moment - wanting to go back and fix it, but knowing that if I tried to fix it I would probably make it worse -

and then I heard your voice gently whisper into my ear:

“Never go back, go forward.” And then,

“There is no such thing as perfection, love”

Paint Edger, you remind me of myself, all the GOOD parts of myself.  I owe you a great debt of gratitude for showing me, reminding me, of who I AM, of who I COULD BE, and for keeping me on the straight and narrow, as you offer your life lessons up so willingly to me. 

Thank you, Paint Edger, for taking me to that edge, allowing me to peer over, and then reminding me that there really IS NO safety net in life. 

Until we meet again, your faithful servant in life (and beyond), 

-          maureen 

Finished Product - "Infinity Wall"