“Dealing with the Emotionally Unavailable Human Male”

Acronym: EUHM, phonetically pronounced….eewwwwwwwm. 

  

I feel like before i go any further, i need to stamp *trigger warning* all over this thing because i will be going deep, deep, DEEP into gender issues, and where i happen to stand on a few of them.  And if you know me at all, you know i don't hold back.  So if you, like the majority of Amerikans right now, are feeling uber-sensitive and itchy about the current state of gender relations, read on at your own risk...but certainly do read on.

Starting with this disclaimer right up front, as I bow to acknowledge all the *equal rights* folks out there: I know there are a lot of emotionally unavailable human females (euhf’s) too.  But I don’t feel particularly passionate about the EUHF, so if you do, feel free to have at it – in your own blog.

I would also like to pull the transgender hat out of the bag right here right now and let you know that i respect everybody's inherent right to live their life to their choosing.  My life experience has been as a "cis" gendered female (i hate even having to say that goddamit i am a womban!) who has had relationships with "cis" gendered men.  This is the topic of today's discussion. Ahem.

The EUMH will not have had many shots at developing meaningful, long-term relationships in his lifetime, and a good lot of them will never have been married, nor have any offspring.  For some, of course, this is a life choice (and good on you for knowing you don't want to bring any more people into this world and acting on that); however, for the EUHM, it’s on account of the human female’s ability to sense in the EUHM an inability to provide support  - of any substantial kind – in any significant way, shape or form. 

The EUHM will often say one thing, yet do the exact opposite of that thing because they are unable to stay committed to the commitments they make. 

When in conversation with the EUHM, you can expect that any level of increased emotional intensity is likely to cause him to completely shut down.  And quickly.  “I gotta go…” is the unoriginal verbiage often hastily substituted in place of a more truthful “I don’t have the emotional depth to be able to participate in any sort of meaningful dialogue with you, so ima shut this here down. Stat.”

The EUHM thinks that any sort of crying is manipulative in nature.  This is because he is incapable of being a compassionate witness to any normal, natural and healthy signs of human emotion.  He has been programmed to believe that emotional displays of any kind are a sign of  weakness and lack of self-control.  Which is super-important to the EUHM - the perception of complete and total self-control.
 

The emotionally unavailable human male has a complete ignorance - bordering on disdain - for the differences in the emotional waters of men and women.  I am speaking in generalities here, of course, yet still, i am certain that many of you will have a knee-jerk reaction to my suggestion (and celebration) of the differences between men and women, in perhaps unconscious support of the current cultural programming propaganda machine pushing the sameness of men and women, under the clever guise of *equality*.  

And yes of course we are EQUAL, but we are most certainly NOT same for heaven’s sake!  We are markedly different, in many ways – by design!  It's good that we have different skill sets and equipment!  And we have wombs!  And in these wombs, we carry blueprints for a potential emotional depth that, when manifested, is able to provide the level of nurturing ALL human beings need to create and sustain strong, sturdy and everlasting bonds of trust and safety!   It doesn’t always work this way of course, but the design is intentional, and the equipment is there.

The EUHM human male doesn’t understand the value and sheer beauty inherent in the freedom demonstrated by people who are courageous enough to express the entire range of the human emotional spectrum. From pure joy, to profound sadness and deep grief. 

An EUHM is unavailable to hold space for another human being to feel the entire range of human emotions because he was not encouraged to express them – at best, or was punished for expressing them – at worst. 

I SUPPORT THE EMERGENCY OF THE DIVINE MASCULINE.  This involves providing a sanctuary for the wounded masculine to being expressing himself and his profound pain in a way that transforms and heals rather than hurts others. And believe me, acting out of unconscious cultural programming almost always hurts others.  

 My support does NOT include providing an unlimited supply of good, clean energy from which the EUHM can suck endlessly, remaining in a comfortably parasitic semi-conscious state of existence. 

Will not be endlessly sucked on in a parasitic fashion.

In closing: to all of you out there who find yourselves navigating relationships with the EUHM, I offer this as the one golden rule:

NEVER take his unconscious behavior personally.  Because, quite clearly, it’s not about you. Nor will it ever be.   No matter how much the EUHM works to gaslight you into thinking its about you, its not. Ever. About. You.  







Which is a good thing, because you have enough s#it on your plate to deal with, without taking on the emotional vacuousness and general carelessness of the EUHM, who has a tendency to assume its everyone else's job to manage his sloppily-packed life baggage.

As if.