WHAT DOES ENTITLEMENT LOOK LIKE? - 060217

In this day and age of escalating racial tensions, the issue of ENTITLEMENT has become a hot-button topic in my social-circles: what it looks like 'in action' and how the effects of entitlement, if gone unacknowledged and unchecked can oppress others and their their right to exist and take up space...free and unfettered.

Well folks - i'm here to tell ya!  Entitlement looks like this: a “cuddle puddle” of 4, perhaps 5 people physically encroaching upon another human being’s personal space, with complete abandon and total disregard.

Tonight at Ecstatic Dance, I had the opportunity to be on the receiving end of this obnoxious display of entitlement.  What started out as one woman sitting cross-legged on the mat in front of me (there are several mats off to the side of the dance floor for people to hang out, do yoga, simply rest.  They are soft mats, approximately 3'x3' that jigsaw together, creating convenient boundary lines) ended up being two men and at least two, maybe three woman sprawled out on 3 or 4 of these mats, writhing and grinding their bodies into each other…with, as I mentioned before, total abandon and absolute disregard for the human being (me) occupying the space presently, and also prior to their arrival.  I guess in practice, possession isn’t really 9/10 of the law after all.  

And don’t get me wrong, I take no issue with their writhing and grinding, and overall freedom of sexual expression, I’m not a prude for heaven sakes, and this ain’t my first rodeo, you understand.  Hell, i really wouldn't mind finding myself in a cuddle puddle some day.  But, in addition to the perimeter between my physical body and their physical bodies getting smaller and smaller, I was kicked at least three or four good times.  Without as much as an acknowledgement, let alone an apology, that there had been unintended physical contact.  It actually "felt" like they were trying to kick me out of their way!  Perhaps they were.  

Because…well, because entitlement.   Which in practice means that the space is theirs to do with, play with, hoard in whatever fashion they see fit.  If you just happen to get in the way of all of their entitlement, well, move out of the way, FFS! 

You know, consent is a funny thing.  And it’s a big and consistent topic at Ecstatic Dance.  The conversations typically center around getting consent before engaging in dance with another person.  And most certainly before any kind of physical touch.  

But what about consent when it comes to sharing another’s personal space?  And sure, we all have different ideas about how wide of a space constitutes an appropriate amount of personal space (I have a friend who needs a great big bubble of space between his body and others) but we can all agree that there indeed exists this thing called personal space.  And if we can all agree that this exists, then we can also agree that this personal space can be violated.  

And its one thing to violate someone else's personal space by accident.  This type of situation happens often, with or without our knowing whether we have, but when we know that we have, as when we accidentally kick someone who is sitting in their personal space, this violation is easily remedied by an acknowledgement and an apology.   But what happened at Ecstatic Dance was a repeated and ongoing violation of my personal space - if not intentionally, at the very least, carelessly. 

The 4 or 5 folks who violated my personal space last night happened to be white (well, they didn’t just happen to be white, Ecstatic Dance Oakland is probably 85 – 90% white, so it’s more than likely that a majority of these violations are perpetrated by white people). 

Oh hell, who am I kidding, with my badly veiled attempt at “political correctness”:  These violations - and there have been several - have ALL been perpetrated by white people.  Never have I ever experienced an incident in my entire LIFETIME where a black person accidentally violated my personal space and didn’t acknowledge it.  Ok, maybe from the young ppl...but young ppl. are - in a word - obnoxious.  It's been MY experience that Black People don’t tolerate that type of b.s.  Stay in your lane, mkay?  STAY.IN.YOUR.LANE.  And – if you happen to veer out of your lane and into my lane, well - you better recognize.     

I would suspect that perhaps the history of ongoing violation – of all kinds, not just physical, experienced by black people in this country has trained/programmed our DNA (among other things, such as emotions) to be specifically sensitive and averse to breaches of personal space, even the most minor of experiences, such as being rendered invisible and then repeatedly kicked.

  

Which is why I am so keen on bringing movement medicine (specifically, free-form dance) to my black and brown communities here in Oakland.  And this idea both excites and terrifies me.  What if this idea is rejected? Or worse, what if I am rejected – for the umpteenth time in my life – by my brown and black communities?  I mean lets face facts, bi-racial folks often find themselves tip-towing between two very different worlds, feeling a part of neither.  At least, this has been my experience.  And yet, what if this idea is not rejected, what if it’s embraced - think of what kind of healing could take place in ALL of our extended communities!

To be honest, my idea is not really "my" idea: black and brown people have “always” embraced and practiced movement medicine – typically some form o dance – as an integral part of their culture…one of the important links to their ancestors that was stripped away from them with the forced deportation across the Atlantic ocean. 

“Sankofa” is a word from the Twi language of Ghana (there is a very good possibility that my birth-father’s roots are from Ghana) that means to “Go back and fetch it”, and this is the concept I am working with right now.  I also just learned (thanks Wikipedia!) this: “Sankofa is often associated with the proverb, ‘Se wo were fi na wosankofa a yenkyi’ which translates as: ‘It is not wrong to go back for that which you have forgotten.’”

SANKOFA

Reclaiming what is our birthright.  Reclaiming an integral part of our connection to ourselves, to this planet and to each other.  Reclaiming the JOY and absolute ecstasy that is possible when we are completely free and at ease in or bodies, expressing the music through our bodies. 

So - I know what you’re thinking: “Well? Did you say anything to these people?” No, I didn’t.  Indeed I thought about it, several times during that long 20 minute sit, but in addition to loud music potentially drowning me out, this cuddle puddle was so involved in its own physical experience, any noise from me would most certainly have gone unnoticed, or more likely, fallen on deaf ears.  Or even worse, I might have been *marked* as a deviant; an outsider, and “ostracized” by the group, because I just can’t get with their “sharing space” concept. and take up space.  Not to mention, i love confrontations as much as i love cleaning my bathtub. Or my toilet. Or getting my annual pap smear. 

Which I can, it’s just that, well, my definition of sharing space includes a very important clause for respecting personal space.  In fact, this is probably the MOST IMPORTANT clause in my definition of what it means to share space with others.  

And if i'm wrong in wanting to, in needing to protect the sacredness of my personal space, i don't wann be right.

SANKOFA