Each week on Tuesday, I go to my son’s classroom to hang out
with the kids, be another adult in the room (which is appreciated during this
age of the 31 to 1 student/teacher ratio), and also to introduce the concept of
mindfulness to an amazing group of awareness-starved kids.
Today’s session was especially fun. We talked about the breath and how the breath
is a good tool to bring one back to the present moment. We talked about Now being the only moment one
ever really has and that thinking about the past and the future takes us out of
that ever-present Now. We even got to
talking about dreams – consciousness, unconsciousness….we ended up drifting so
far out on that one that the teacher jumped in to reel me on back to the topic
at hand. I could have seriously sat
there for hours and hours with those kids, they were so inquisitive!
So why is it that, here I am at home, stressed to the gills
with a sick kid and a laundry list of work tasks that need to be completed,
including my own tax return (not due in two weeks, but I need to make an
estimate payment so that I don’t spend into what I think is extra money lying
around, blah, blah, blah). And the still, small voice inside my head says “slow
down. Breath. Sit. Still.” And all I can do is reply “fuck you leave me alone
so that I can have my panic attack!”
Why is it that at the very
moment I need my own, really good advice, I cannot take it, or is it that I don’t
WANT to take it, because, god forbid, what if there wasn’t really anything for
me to worry about? What then? WHAT THE FUCK THEN???
So, I am panicking and really
feeling like I need another body to come over and take care of me, and that
just isn’t a possibility right now, so I decide to sit down and write about it.
And right now, at this moment, with Tommi the cat on my lap, I feel a sense of peace. And after I finish this writing, im going to
serve the Sun his dinner in bed and then draw a bath and read one of my
favorite authors, Anne Lamott, and breathe.
I don’t know what after that.
Maybe I can actually sit for a moment and breathe. And touch in. And locate that still small voice within, and
listen. Or maybe not. Maybe I will
decide to eat my feelings or zone out on bad t.v. our just sit in a tight ball
on my bed and worry. But this I know for
sure: when I am able to heed my own good advice, it works. Am I ready for that?
2 comments:
Well said.
Just try to keep in mind a Lot of people struggle with the very same; that almost "need" to have something to stress about. Need or not at least you're aware. Awareness is an excellent start....
You are a peach, Gar....thank you for that little reminder. xo.
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