Is THIS Why I’m Still Single? 1/21/15

I had been bragging all week last week about how I had a “meet-and-greet” date on Saturday.  Wow did I count MY chickens too soon.

It was not until the next day when I checked in with a male friend of mine and got smacked up-side of the head with a very real “Oh yeah, he’s not gonna call” did it dawn on me that perhaps the reason why I am single has something to do with my approach.  Seriously?

The “offending” text between me and potential suitor three days prior to our “meet and greet:”

He: Hi Maureen. 

Me: Is this Gr@g?  I had been anticipating a telephone call…

(we had scheduled the date via the dating app and i had requested that he give me a telephone call prior to our date. this is just something i do.)

 

He: Yes, it is. 

Me: So, um.  Is this text in place of or in addition to a telephone call?

He: In addition to.

Me: Yeeeeeeee-Hawwwwwwww! Can we talk later on then?

He: Yes.

(forgive me here, dear reader, but if you are going to begin what was supposed to be a telephone conversation with a text, then you had better keep up your end of the conversation...ahem.)

Me: (several minutes later) Man of few words, you are -

He: Sorry, its been a long day. 

(he obvs. missed my clever Yoda reference)

Me: Well, we can keep it virtual tonight if that works better for you.  Just keep in mind that i'm going to need you to add a little more ‘flair’ to your texts.

...

Crickets.  He obvs. didn’t catch my clever “Office  Space” reference.  

Me: OK, ok, I will dial it down a notch.  

...

Nada. 

A couple of hours later, I showed the offending text thread to the Sun.

He stared at the phone for a few moments and then started to shake his head, slowly back and forth. 

“Mom.  Do you want me to fix this train wreck?”

“Yes, Tre!  What happened?  What should I do?"

He looks at the phone again. 

“well, um.  Have you called him yet?"

What a novel idea.  Calling someone.  :o/

I showed the offending thread to my male office-mate the next morning.

“Yeah, Maureen, um…he’s not gonna call.”

I get it.  I really do.  Way too much.  Here’s the rub:  I’m at a stage where I could give two fucks really, that my *special* brand of humor does not translate well. ..and in particular with a total stranger,  who whimped out of a real-time interaction in favor of a virtual one.

And THIS, my friends, is why, at age 46, I am still single.

signing off on a friday night, 10:06 p.m. PST fresh from my 3rd viewing of "Bridesmaids."

meatz 'n cheezes.