And - when I had the opportunity to explain to a group of sister-friends how exactly, it came about that I ended up paying for dinner, it didn’t really hit me how ridiculous it sounded, until I heard myself telling the story out loud. And even though these sister-friends were very careful to suspend their own judgements about my behavior (allowing me to have my own bad judgement all by myself), I couldn’t help but to hear what they were thinking: WTF Maureen! Red Flag Red Flag Red Flag, Sister! Funny how a yellow flag becomes a red flag when you involve third parties in your personal fiascos, but what’re you gonna do…live in a bubble?
So I met Al (not his real name) on Tinder. Tall, dark and handsome. Seriously…and he seemed so…so…wholesome. At least his photos did. There was nothing written in his profile - which
for me is a bit of a yellow flag, because what, you can’t take the time to tell
me just a little bit about yourself?
Even on Tinder they give you 1000 characters. Make an effort.
But yeah, he looked so kind, so gentle, and soooooo super-easy
on the eyes. Which, by the way is requested
in my profile; specifically, I request “....someone easy on the eyes, but not too
much of a pain in my ass.” Because who
needs that, right?
And then there was the part where he was so eager to make plans, straight off the
bat. This is impressive, as most men seem to prefer the "extended texting relationship" over an "in-the-flesh-meet-and-greet." And when I say extended, allow me to offer an example:
144 messages into one texting relationship I was having with a fellow, and he still
had not solidified any plans to meet me!
And I tried, dear reader, boy did I try my dammdest to make
plans. But he always seemed to skate AROUND making
plans. Right up until the time I told
him that, after 144 messages in and no plans made indicated to me that
we weren’t a good match. Of course, his
next message to me, 30 seconds later was “Wait!
Not so fast! How about lunch?”
Sorry darlin’…too little to late.
So – Al and me made plans to meet for dinner. I show up to the spot first, and I see him
walking towards me.
B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. Even better
than his photos, which is always a very nice surprise. I remember one blind date where the guy who
greeted me was a full 60 – 80 pounds HEAVIER than every single one of the
“slim-me” photos he chose to display online.
#decepticon. The online dating
scene is FULL of them.
He came walking towards me smiling, I was smiling, it was
obvious that we both were enjoying first physical impressions. Good start.
And then, he asked me: “Do you want to come to my brother’s house with
me?”
What? WTF?!? What kind
of question is that, do I want to take a ride in a stranger’s car to gawd
knows where you really intend to take me to do gawd-knows-what?
And that is basically what I said to him. To which he replied:
“Well I don’t have any money right now and I need to go pick
some up from his house.”
I was completely baffled. How do you show up to a first date without
any money?
“You have a credit card don’t you?” (I mean, who DOESN’T
have a card?)
“They’re all maxed out.”
So what was I supposed to do at this point? We were already at the
restaurant, he was an extremely tall drink of water, and I’ve been
thirsty for damn near three years now. (walk away, mo! you were supposed to walk away!!!) So I went with it. #toothirsty
“OK look," I said, "we’re here, let’s eat, I will pay and then you can
pay me back.” I was really FINE with
this decision at the time…I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? I have a nice dinner with a stranger and
never see him again. Those who have heard my stories before know i was stiffed for an $85 food/bar tab several years ago, so, meh.
And we did have a nice dinner. Good conversation, great “views” (lol) I left happy.
And i was happy...until i told the story of my first date to my sister-friends. And began to doubt my judgement.
I heard from him a couple days later. At 7:30 in the morning, he texts me.
“Arrghhhh!” I reply
via text. “Too early!”
I was out of town at the time, and let him know I would
contact him when I returned. Which I did. On Friday, I send him a text, asking when he
would be back in the bay area. He lives
in Sacramento, and is often in the bay for work. He responded that he would be
in the bay for work the following week.
I give him the thumbs up, but no plans are made.
And then, on Saturday, at 12:30 in the a.m. he sends me a
text, which reads:
“Hi Maureen. I know
its late. I’m in Oakland.”
Which, thankfully, did NOT wake me from my pleasant slumber
(and I’m a notoriously light sleeper)
– I saw the text early Sunday morning – and replied as follows:
ME: OK…but what
exactly are we supposed to do with each other at 12:30a.m.?!?
(several hours later,
like 3:30 in the afternoon, i receive this response):
HE: Hey. Just woke up.
I was hanging with my brother. It
was a 50th bday party.
(now i'm even more
confused and need further clarification):
ME: Soooo….you drunk-dialed me then?
HE: No, I was not
drunk at the time. We were coming back from
the city at that time.
(what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! “At that time?!?” Who gives this kind of alibi to as an excuse
for making a bad decision?)
ME: omg totally
lame.
HE: Lame? What
exactly is lame?
So what is he asking here? Is he asking for clarification
of the DEFINITION of the word lame? I
mean, I know it’s a fairly white thing to say, but here I am, I AM a Ritz
Kracka, so obvs. I’m gonna
say those kinds of things. But really, who has never heard the word
lame used in this context before? No
matter, I’m not going into the weeds with this one here and I have had enough. I decide to address what about his behavior I
find to be lame. Perhaps I can save
another poor soul from future nonsense. Probably
not though.
ME: That apparently,
you thought it was perfectly acceptable to call me in the middle of the
night. This, coupled with showing up to
a first date with no money…I think I have to bow out at this point – we are not
a good match.
He didn’t text back.
Still - i remain hopeful.
Still - i remain hopeful.
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