Am I ready to Get...MARRIED?!? - 12/23/2014

So I found myself shopping for a wedding ring the other day.  Yes, you read that right - 'a' wedding ring.  As in one.  Turns out that i asked myself to marry me!  OMG!!!

And the initial answer was a resounding:

"Yes!  Oh YES!  I thought you would NEVER ask!!!"

But I think that was the idea of a beautiful ring talking.  Because as I was in the store trying on these beautiful rings, I found myself thinking:

"You mean like, Forever Ever, Forever Ever??? 

And i started getting cold feet.

This is not the ring.  This is the engagement ring i purchased a couple of years back when i was feeling super-good and in the relationship of a lifetime!  He ended up believing me to be the Devil Incarnate.

Because THIS is exactly what that marriage commitment thing is all about, isn't it?!   This is where the rubber meets the road, this is what separates the wheat from the chaff, where the shit.gets.real.  It's about being there for me and staying there for me and not leaving me when the going gets tough.  I mean, truth be told, the person whom I have abandoned MOST in my life is...yeP.  me. 

And i see marriage as a vow to stay.  When i am feeling super-good about life and everything/(most) everyone in it, its easy to stay!  I stay and stay and (over)stay, and soak in all of that goodness.  And when things get tough and complicated and a bit messy, like most recently when a client fired me.  Fired.  For the first time in my life.  Well, like a well-programmed computer, my initial reaction was to chastise ME.  Once I was level-headed enough to process the thing all the way through, I realized the relationship was not a good fit for either of us.  And what a relief to be out of a really icky relationship!

Or when you tell your colorist that you want a certain color of blue and she points out the correct color, but then for some god-forsaken reason, you end up with day-glo blue hair.  My day-to-day challenge right now is to look at myself in the mirror - stay - and very gently remind myself that i am most certainly NOT my ridiculously colored hair.  

And when i can stay long enough to see the feeling all the way though, sometimes, a wave of relief and freedom opens up in front of me.  or - a wave of chocolate.

So.  Am I ready to be married?  Again?  Or perhaps the question is:  

Am I finally ready for the Marriage of a Lifetime?

stand by. 

"CRAFTERNOON - HOLIDAY EDITION"

4:00am:  My eyes pop open.  It's CRAFTERNOON!  Yeeeeeee-Hawwwwwww!   I am so excited, but I try going back to sleep.

4:05am: Tommi the cat licks my face.  I am up.

4:30: I decide now is the time to paint that one wall in my bathroom pink.  I commence to painting, manage to spill, step in, and make pink footprints  all over the house.  

5:30am: Finished with painting, I begin clean-up.

7:00am: I am completely wiped.  I want to go back to bed, but know I need to push through.

7:30am: I prepare Excel instructions for the craft we are going to make.  I have named it the "Wrap- Around-Wallet" (tm).

8:30am: Yoga.  Almost pass out in Child's Pose.

10:00am. Sauna.  Almost pass out from heat exhaustion.  Meet a couple of strippers in the sauna.  One of the strippers,a beautiful woman with her hair wrapped behind a towel, mentions wanting to cut all her hair off, but is afraid to do it.  She currently wears a wig when she is dancing.  I recommend she shave her head at least once in her lifetime. 

Noon: Back home to get ready for guests.  I am anticipating a small, yet intimate crowd of four lovely, excited crafters.

2:00pm:  Imagine my surprise when my long-time crafting buddies Mia and Lindsay show up as well!  I am OVER.THE.MOON.  But - i have forgotten the cream cheese at the store, and now I don't have any finger sandwiches.

2:15pm: Lindsay begins to boil water for tea.  I am not a tea drinker and all i have to offer is stale decaf early grey and chamomile. I feel like a loser.  Plus - no finger sandwiches for the tea.   I am hoping that nobody has taken note of this.

2:30pm: I try distracting the crafters with fresh fruit.  I am not yet prepared to dive into the project.

2:45pm: Masako shares with me that, during their recent trip to the fabric shop, Lisa and she spontaneously decide to change the project! 

2:46pm: I give Masako the side-eye and throw my carefully-prepared Excel instructions in her face.

2:48pm: Lindsay grabs the instructions, looks them up and down, remarks about the Excel presentation, and guffaws. 

2:50 - 3:30pm: Masako and Lisa 'splain to me what the NEW project will be: a tote-purse.  They have both brought with then extensive materials for this project, including several kinds of fabric, zippers, and purse handles.  i begin to feel an anxiety attack coming on.  I am a bit of a control-freak and i don't do well with change.

3:45pm: Masako and I begin discussing the design of her purse.  Mia, who is drawing with colored pencils and ear-hustling in the corner, suggests that perhaps I am being a bit forecful and bossy: "Maureen, I do realize this is YOUR Crafternoon, but it's Masako's purse."  CRAFTERNON SMACK-DOWN.  I back off.

4:00pm: Mia and Lindsay take their leave, and Lisa's tote-purse project is having some trouble during lift-off.   "But there's just so many options, Maureen!"

I need a drink - an alcoholic drink that will make everything just a bit fuzzy and easier to *manage*.  And then i remember that i don't drink.  F*ck.  I snag a caramel from the "Taste Test of Caramels,"
an assortment of oddly-flavored caramels I purchased on impulse during my last-minute goodies trip (the trip where i forgot the cream cheese).   Yes of course i remembered the chocolate.  Duh.

 4:30pm: Lisa has managed to craft a headband out of a cloth remnant, and is thrilled that she has a "take-away" from CRAFTERNOON.  This is all she wanted and I am relieved that she will be leaving satisfied.

5:00pm: Jocelyn, who has been (unusually) quiet as a mouse working as a separatist on her gift/scrap-book/wedding memento at the dining room table, expresses dissatisfaction at the current page's decorations.  She tries adding more flair.  It's better, but not yet good.  I suggest she leave it alone and return to it later.   As usual, she takes my suggestion with a grain of salt and continues working.

5:30pm: My ancient sewing machine is rebelling against Masako and the fabric she has chosen.  Karma.  

5:45pm: Lisa has worked out her design, pinned her purse together and has now designed a matching coin purse as well, while she waits for her turn at the sewing machine. 

6:00pm:  I gather a second wind, give my ancient sewing machine a "what for," and finish sewing up the final side of Masako's purse.  We discuss zippers, straps, and CRAFTERNOON, HOLIDAY EDITION, PART II.  Neither purse is finished, but the progess is...AMAZING!
        

6:30pm: We begin the wind-down.

6:45pm:  Everyone leaves at once, and I am left with (almost) an entire box of "Mystery Caramels,"  half-dozen PB & J cookies, and two quarts of blood-orange italian soda.  I feel a deep pull of existential angst and lonliness wash over me.  I eye the caramels with a longing...a longing so deep and sorrow-filled that all i can do is step away and say a silent prayer of "Help" to Baby J.

7:30pm:  Fresh from an epsom salt bath, I hop into bed, and am asleep before I can say  -

"CRAFTERNOON-HOLIDAY EDITION - Its A Wrap."

Coming In January 2015 - CRAFTERNOON - HOLIDAY EDITION, PART DEUX.

Dear Jeebus: I Wanna Be A Foot Model.

Dear Baby J*

If the pith instruction at this point in the journey  is indeed as simple as “Do what you Love and the Money will Follow," then bear witness to this proclamation:

I love and take great pleasure in the beautification of my feet.

Jeebus, I know I am a bit late to the ball with this one,  but my feet are still in fairly good shape!  And, if I could actually be paid to maintain them???  Well, I don't have to sell YOU on how this could ENTIRELY be a win-win-win situation, yeah?!?  The trifecta!

FEET AND FLOWERS - 2012

Years ago, I spoke to a close friend about my silent dream of foot modeling, and like all close friends, she encouraged me to pursue my dream.  So off i went, like all good diligent dreamers, and ran str8 to the interwebs to begin the pursuit of my dream to be a  foot model.

During my search, I came across a gentleman claiming to be a foot model photographer. This gentleman did not offer to share a portfolio, nor did he show me any print-ads he had done, but he had some nice photos, and he *sounded* legit.  That is, until he told   Whoops. Looks like I just me caught a creeper.  It was sad, but I had to let that one go.
me that he would fly himself out from Virginia, set us up in a studio for a day, and then pay me $1,000 for a day of modeling.

Jeebus, my friend, my man, my mellow: you know how hard I have worked, and continue to work, to seek out that which brings me passion, that in which I find joy, and that in which I might also bring joy to others.  What is more joyful than gazing upon a super-cute pair of feet?!?  I mean, lets face it: feet are NOT yer pop's greatest werk.

These are my friend's feet. We are the same age. 

Check this pair out - pulled directly from a friend's Facebook feed.  Good for him that he has acknowledged his foot-problem and is working on it.  But dear lord!  I feel really strongly that feet aught never  have to look like that!  I mean, whyyyyyyyyy? (whine, whine, whimper, whine)

Anywhoo - Bro: I am attaching a few of my faves over the years.   You decide whether my feet would be a good fit and then please pass my request onto the father, will ya?  'Preesh.

"MONEY SHOT"

"FLOWERS AND FEET - 2012"

"NU TOEZ - 2014"

RETREAT-FEET - 2013

all my love,

ritz

*Jeebus, he walks with me.

p.s. no foot worshippers please!!!! ew.

P.O.W.E.R.

"In a small, segregated country, called Zebra, the Sun minority has relegated the Shade majority to reservations far from the cities and the centers of power.  The government is a dictatorship.

The dictator, as well as the majority knows nothing of the culture, mores, values, or spiritual inclinations of the Shades; nevertheless, fear and control of the Shades is behind every governmental decision.  It is fully believed that if the Shades came near prominence or power, the entire way of being of the country would be altered.  The minority does not fear for its lives; it fears for its way of life.  To change this would be worse than death.  One day there is a serious power outage.  The power lines have been cut.  Up to this point, energy has been the major export of this country.  The country is paralyzed.  The Shades do not deny they cut the lines, but assert that the power has always belonged to them..."

Deena Metzger goes on to write:

"This scenario could describe conditions in any one of numerous countries.  In fact, it is a description of my own inner state of being, a political description of the nation-state of my own psyche.  I have come to understand that an individual is also a country, that one contains multiple selves who are governed as nations are governed, and that the problems and issues that afflict nations also afflict individuals.  For most of  my life, I have been completely unconscious of the real mode of government and the status of the beings within my territory."

Me too.  I was, of course, taken by her first sentence at the word "Zebra,"  which is a word that has a history in my life in bi-racial skin, as one of many of the *derogatory* names i was called.  It never bothered me: zebras are beautiful.  Not so beautiful was my own inner country, ruled by a short, fat, angry dictator who was cruel, aggressive, paranoid, and ultimately, who just needed to be removed from office and taken care of for the rest of his life.

If you want to read more, the full story is one of several in one of my MOST FAVORITE BOOKS: "Ordinary Magic." And it makes a great holiday gift!  I bought it for my own mother one year.

What is that state of your country?