"CRAFTERNOON - HOLIDAY EDITION"

4:00am:  My eyes pop open.  It's CRAFTERNOON!  Yeeeeeee-Hawwwwwww!   I am so excited, but I try going back to sleep.

4:05am: Tommi the cat licks my face.  I am up.

4:30: I decide now is the time to paint that one wall in my bathroom pink.  I commence to painting, manage to spill, step in, and make pink footprints  all over the house.  

5:30am: Finished with painting, I begin clean-up.

7:00am: I am completely wiped.  I want to go back to bed, but know I need to push through.

7:30am: I prepare Excel instructions for the craft we are going to make.  I have named it the "Wrap- Around-Wallet" (tm).

8:30am: Yoga.  Almost pass out in Child's Pose.

10:00am. Sauna.  Almost pass out from heat exhaustion.  Meet a couple of strippers in the sauna.  One of the strippers,a beautiful woman with her hair wrapped behind a towel, mentions wanting to cut all her hair off, but is afraid to do it.  She currently wears a wig when she is dancing.  I recommend she shave her head at least once in her lifetime. 

Noon: Back home to get ready for guests.  I am anticipating a small, yet intimate crowd of four lovely, excited crafters.

2:00pm:  Imagine my surprise when my long-time crafting buddies Mia and Lindsay show up as well!  I am OVER.THE.MOON.  But - i have forgotten the cream cheese at the store, and now I don't have any finger sandwiches.

2:15pm: Lindsay begins to boil water for tea.  I am not a tea drinker and all i have to offer is stale decaf early grey and chamomile. I feel like a loser.  Plus - no finger sandwiches for the tea.   I am hoping that nobody has taken note of this.

2:30pm: I try distracting the crafters with fresh fruit.  I am not yet prepared to dive into the project.

2:45pm: Masako shares with me that, during their recent trip to the fabric shop, Lisa and she spontaneously decide to change the project! 

2:46pm: I give Masako the side-eye and throw my carefully-prepared Excel instructions in her face.

2:48pm: Lindsay grabs the instructions, looks them up and down, remarks about the Excel presentation, and guffaws. 

2:50 - 3:30pm: Masako and Lisa 'splain to me what the NEW project will be: a tote-purse.  They have both brought with then extensive materials for this project, including several kinds of fabric, zippers, and purse handles.  i begin to feel an anxiety attack coming on.  I am a bit of a control-freak and i don't do well with change.

3:45pm: Masako and I begin discussing the design of her purse.  Mia, who is drawing with colored pencils and ear-hustling in the corner, suggests that perhaps I am being a bit forecful and bossy: "Maureen, I do realize this is YOUR Crafternoon, but it's Masako's purse."  CRAFTERNON SMACK-DOWN.  I back off.

4:00pm: Mia and Lindsay take their leave, and Lisa's tote-purse project is having some trouble during lift-off.   "But there's just so many options, Maureen!"

I need a drink - an alcoholic drink that will make everything just a bit fuzzy and easier to *manage*.  And then i remember that i don't drink.  F*ck.  I snag a caramel from the "Taste Test of Caramels,"
an assortment of oddly-flavored caramels I purchased on impulse during my last-minute goodies trip (the trip where i forgot the cream cheese).   Yes of course i remembered the chocolate.  Duh.

 4:30pm: Lisa has managed to craft a headband out of a cloth remnant, and is thrilled that she has a "take-away" from CRAFTERNOON.  This is all she wanted and I am relieved that she will be leaving satisfied.

5:00pm: Jocelyn, who has been (unusually) quiet as a mouse working as a separatist on her gift/scrap-book/wedding memento at the dining room table, expresses dissatisfaction at the current page's decorations.  She tries adding more flair.  It's better, but not yet good.  I suggest she leave it alone and return to it later.   As usual, she takes my suggestion with a grain of salt and continues working.

5:30pm: My ancient sewing machine is rebelling against Masako and the fabric she has chosen.  Karma.  

5:45pm: Lisa has worked out her design, pinned her purse together and has now designed a matching coin purse as well, while she waits for her turn at the sewing machine. 

6:00pm:  I gather a second wind, give my ancient sewing machine a "what for," and finish sewing up the final side of Masako's purse.  We discuss zippers, straps, and CRAFTERNOON, HOLIDAY EDITION, PART II.  Neither purse is finished, but the progess is...AMAZING!
        

6:30pm: We begin the wind-down.

6:45pm:  Everyone leaves at once, and I am left with (almost) an entire box of "Mystery Caramels,"  half-dozen PB & J cookies, and two quarts of blood-orange italian soda.  I feel a deep pull of existential angst and lonliness wash over me.  I eye the caramels with a longing...a longing so deep and sorrow-filled that all i can do is step away and say a silent prayer of "Help" to Baby J.

7:30pm:  Fresh from an epsom salt bath, I hop into bed, and am asleep before I can say  -

"CRAFTERNOON-HOLIDAY EDITION - Its A Wrap."

Coming In January 2015 - CRAFTERNOON - HOLIDAY EDITION, PART DEUX.